Match Recap: Barcelona Wins (But Only Because Celta Forgot How to Defend)
Barcelona pulled off a thrilling 4-3 win over Celta Vigo, proving once again that defending is optional if you’re rich enough to buy forwards. Raphinha’s 98th-minute penalty sealed the deal, while Celta’s Borja Iglesias left with a hat-trick and a lifetime supply of what-could-have-been tears. Barça’s defense? Let’s just say they played like they were sponsored by a sieve company.
Key Moments (AKA “How to Give Your Fans a Heart Attack”)
12’ – Ferran Torres Scores: A slick goal! Then Barça remembered they’re contractually obligated to self-sabotage.
15’ – Iglesias’ Gift: Wojciech Szczęsny’s clearance attempt turned into a comedy sketch. Iglesias tapped it in. Comedy Central called—they want rights to the clip.
52’ & 62’ – Iglesias’ Hat-Trick: Frenkie de Jong’s ”I’ll just let the ball roll into my net” routine gifted Celta two more goals. Defensive masterclass? More like a defensive mess-terclass.
64’ & 68’ – Barça’s “Comeback”: Substitutes Dani Olmo and Raphinha scored. Translation: Barça’s bench is better than their starters.
98’ – Penalty Drama: VAR spotted a foul, and Raphinha scored. Celta’s time-wasting tactics? Karma’s a barca-lona.
Player Ratings (Out of 10, But Mostly Out of Luck)
Raphinha (BARCA) – 9/10: Two goals, one assist, and enough sweat to fill a swimming pool. The only Barça player who showed up before the 60th minute.
Borja Iglesias (CELTA) – 10/10: Hat-trick hero! It was too bad that his teammates defended like they were paid monopoly money.
Wojciech Szczęsny (BARCA) – 5/10: Made saves and blunders. The duality of man, folks.
Lamine Yamal (BARCA) – 7/10: 16 years old and already babysitting Barça’s midfield. Kids these days!
Tactical Genius (or Lack Thereof)
Barça’s Strategy: “Let’s concede first for drama!” Hansi Flick’s subs saved the day, but his starting XI? Yikes.
Celta’s Game Plan: “Attack Barça’s defense—it’s basically a suggestion.” Worked until they forgot goals after the 60th minute count too.
Defensive Highlights: None. Unless you count fans defending their decision to watch this chaos.
Spicy Takeaways
Barça’s Defense: If they were a Netflix show, it’d be called Stranger Things—because where were they?!
Celta’s Collapse: Leading 3-1? Should’ve called Uber Eats for a clutch delivery. Instead, they ordered a meltdown.
Raphinha’s Penalty: Cold-blooded. Celta’s goalkeeper? Probably Googling “how to unsee a penalty” post-match.
Final Score:
Barcelona 4 (Torres 12’, Olmo 64’, Raphinha 68’, 90+8’) – 3 Celta Vigo (Iglesias 15’, 52’, 62’)